In the category of ‘What is X?’ searches for 2012, Google found that the most most popular search for the year was ‘What is love?’ And after love came: iCloud, 3G and Scientology. It’s fascinating what we seek when the door is closed and the computer switched on.
The Guardian, in an attempt to get to the bottom of the question “once and for all” (I love the emphatic nature of the quest!), gathered writers from the fields of science, psychotherapy, literature, religion and philosophy to give their definition of the much-pondered word ‘love’. This included the perspective of ‘The Nun’, Sr Catherine Wybourne, a Benedictine sister. You can read the responses here.
The most interesting is from Philippa Perry, ‘The Psychotherapist’, who says – just as Pope Benedict did in Deus Caritas Est – that we simply need more words to describe the stuff we usually put under the crude heading of the word ‘love’:
Unlike us, the ancients did not lump all the various emotions that we label “love” under the one word. They had several variations, including:
Philia which they saw as a deep but usually non-sexual intimacy between close friends and family members or as a deep bond forged by soldiers as they fought alongside each other in battle.
Ludus describes a more playful affection found in fooling around or flirting.
Pragma is the mature love that develops over a long period of time between long-term couples and involves actively practising goodwill, commitment, compromise and understanding.
Agape is a more generalised love, it’s not about exclusivity but about love for all of humanity.
Philautia is self love, which isn’t as selfish as it sounds. As Aristotle discovered and as any psychotherapist will tell you, in order to care for others you need to be able to care about yourself.
Last, and probably least even though it causes the most trouble, eros is about sexual passion and desire. Unless it morphs into philia and/or pragma, eros will burn itself out.
Love is all of the above. But is it possibly unrealistic to expect to experience all six types with only one person. This is why family and community are important.
And it’s telling that in the Guardian headline to the article (‘What is love? Five theories on the greatest emotion of all’), and in the Perry passage above, the starting assumption is that love is nothing more or less than an emotion. Sr Catherine is brave enough to use the phrase ‘theological virtue’, by which ‘we love God above all things and our neighbours as ourselves for his sake’; but there is not enough space to unpack this in the article, and to explore how love might be much more than simply an emotion.
Bridges and Tangents 
Apologies for being completely off topic, but did you know Father that on the British History Online website Allen Hall Seminary is mentioned as ‘Alien Hall!’ I noticed this some months ago and presumed someone would have corrected it by now but on checking today see that it is still ‘Alien Hall.’ I am sure the seminarians would not wish to be regarded as aliens!
We laughed a lot when we saw that originally, I didn’t know it was still there!
Love is many things, for me;
Love is the Holy Spirit. The universal language of compassion and unity between all living things. It is the encompassing fullness of care. Love is Truth, Its deepness by deeper deep does bless. Love is the death of death for Love Loves beyond death, the companion of your soul, the guardian of your spirit. It is when two Amens are one. Perpetual light in the darkness. Love is unextinguishable. The deepest form of Love is only possible when we Love someone more than self. Love is God for God is Love and spirit.
John Donne says for Lovers
” For love, all love of other sights controules,
And makes one little roome, an every where.”
I day with thee, I dream with thee, I ever want to be with thee.
I sleep with thee, I stir with thee, My every waking thought is thee.
I break in thee, Have faith in thee, My spirit is set free in thee.
I walk with thee, I talk with thee, My every beating heart is thee.
I Love in thee, Thou Loves in me, for now I am no longer me.
We neither two, but One in three. His Love forever pray we be.
†
I’m glad the seminarians saw the funny side of that! Have they discovered the danger they are in once they are ordained? On the Catholic Herald Archives website dated 3rd October 1980 (page 8) there is a list of Priests under the heading ‘The following have been napalmed Parish Priests.’ The mind boggles!
I giggles because I do not know if this was intentional, but when you click on the link for the answer to the question
” This included the perspective of ‘The Nun’, Sr Catherine Wybourne, a Benedictine sister. You can read the responses here.” It says
404. . . . Not Found!
second from last line should maybe say
“for now I am more truly me”
Interesting to read the various words the ancients used for the different types of love.
The link is here http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/dec/13/what-is-love-five-theories
Perry leaves out storge or affection which C.S Lewis included in The Four Loves.
My most viewed blog post this year was one called ‘the remedies of sorrow and pain’. It got hundreds of page views from people typing ‘sorrow’ into google.
Thanks Tonia; I’ve corrected it now. I love the idea of ‘storage’!
I agree with much of your post, but two things you should know. Contributors were asked to define ‘love’ in a mere 100 words (a limit I stuck to, but I’m glad others didn’t); and I truly am a Benedictine nun (monialis in canon law), not a sister (soror in canon law). :)
Thanks Sr Catherine. I hope I didn’t sound disrespectful in using the quote marks (‘The Nun’) – I know you are a (real) nun, I was just enjoying the way the Guardian writer had stuck these labels onto people like superhero titles, as if you walked around with badges saying ‘the nun’ and ‘the romantic novelist’… Happy Nearly Christmas.