I was at a beautiful wedding recently, and I had a small moment of revelation about the meaning of wearing a wedding ring. It’s not an exaggeration to say that my understanding was turned completely upside down.
I’ve always thought that wearing a wedding ring was a sign of the commitment you are making to your spouse and to your marriage. Not to pretend that it all depends on you – because it’s about a relationship and a vocation, and about God’s blessing on that relationship. But to see the wearing of the ring as a constant sign of your own re-dedication and re-commitment to this relationship, and to make this continuing acknowledgement of your marital commitment public by wearing a ring. The ring becomes, as it were, a public profession of your marriage and what it continues to mean to you. This is why in those films (cf. Bruce Willis in the first scene of Unbreakable), when a husband meets a stranger on a train and starts plotting how he might hook up with her, he quietly slips his wedding ring off and puts it in his pocket.
But I heard the words of the wedding rite as if for the first time, and this is absolutely not what the wearing of the ring signifies. Here they are:
Take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
So the ring that is given is a sign of the love and fidelity of the one who gives it. The ring that you wear, that was placed on your finger by your spouse on your wedding day, does not represent your commitment to your marriage, your love for your spouse, your faithfulness to this relationship and to the vocation God has called you into, etc. It represents the commitment, love and faithfulness of your spouse to you.
The ring is not there, first of all, as a sign of your continuing commitment to this person (although of course it can come to mean that as well). It’s an ongoing reminder of the promise that the other person has made to you. It’s a sign of the covenant that your spouse has made with you, and that God has sealed, and that you have freely embraced and entered into. The same covenant that you have also made with your spouse.
I know this is obvious – I’m ashamed to say that I’d just never thought of it before. It changes things. I’m sure I’ve given lots of wedding sermons about looking down at the ring on your finger and choosing to live your marriage and love your spouse. It’s all true, in one sense. But the symbolism of the ring is not, ultimately, about your own efforts or decisions or commitments, it’s a reminder of the promise that another has made to you, and of the promise that God has made to you both. I know that life, and marriage, are not always tidy or easy, but I think there is a truth worth pondering here.
Do contradict me, and write in the comments what your wedding ring has meant to you over the years!
Interestingly The Anglican words at the giving of he ring are:
N, I give you this ring
as a sign of our marriage.
With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you,
within the love of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
The ring is very much the sign of the commitment of the giver but is also, of course, a reminder to the wearer of the mutuality of that commitment, especially when both have given a ring and used the same words.
However as a married man of 45 years (ex-Anglican, now Catholic priest) I have never worn one! Two rings were a lot less common in those days.
My husband and I were married by a Baptist minister in the non-denominational chapel at Harvard Business School. I can’t remember what words were spoken but I know I was keen that my husband wore a ring. I think of it as a sign to other people that we’re spoken for. Removing your wedding ring to me is a sign that you no longer feel that commitment.
I suppose I might be excused not concentrating on the words during my own wedding – there was a lot going on – but the fact that I haven’t noticed it at any of the many Catholic weddings I have attended speaks volumes about where my attention is as opposed to where it should be. The fact that I’ve never heard it in a sermon suggests that there are a few priests waiting to make this discovery.
For my part, my wedding ring is a public statement as much as anything else: I’m married and I want everyone to know. I was the first man in my family to wear one.
In the context of male -female relationships in the days when only women wore rings, your insight would have been even more special.
Apropos of Ttony’s observation above- when I was at school long ago in 1968 our (male) teacher showed us his wedding ring and asked us if any of our fathers had such a ring. The best anyone could come up with was to say that their father had acquired a ring subsequent to the wedding. Our teacher, having married in France where customs were different, was, by contrast able to point to his own as a genuine wedding ring. By the time I myself married the husband’s ring had become an accepted- perhaps even expected – feature of English weddings.
I didn’t know that rings for men were more common in France. I heard that in the States the man’s wedding ring only came in after a campaign by jewellery firms; and when it was successful they tried to bring in male engagement rings too – which doesn’t seem to have worked yet!
I wear a little cross of diamonds on my wedding finger, shining the light of Christ. An eternity ring. A promise that I will Love my beloved beyond life and death. Forever. Love eternal.
My Wedding Ring means several things to me. It is a sign of the committed love my Wife and I have for each other. It is a sign to others that we have made that commitment and, yes I agree with Tonia, it is a sign that I am spoken for. I’m proud of all it signifies.
I appreciate you statement. God bless you and your wife.
I think wedding rings mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. There are some many different types of wedding band these days from gold rings to platinum to titanium and even tungsten carbide wedding bands yet they all still represent a commitment. And because they are round, it symbolizes a commitment that is neverending.
While I don’t remember the words exactly.we got wed by a catholic priest it was amazing to me wearing A ring symbolize that I am married but I don’t wear one my husband those does. I lost my RING but I will go and get one
i believe is a sign of our fidelity 2 one another and again by wearing it, it protects u 4rm many thns, such as it tells d public dat dis person is already hookd up with sm/1, so even if u’r being admired by sm/1, dat will speak much 4 u. in a nutshell, is a sign of total commitment, love n fidelity 2 ur relatnship.
And one more time, sorry folks, isn’t there something in the tradition of it all that’s supposed to represent at least some form of financial security for women? Especially us traditional, stay at home moms? Would love to hear comments from anyone out there, whether you agree with my position or not. That’s all for now, thanks!!
I enjoyed reading your blog and the comments that follow.
My wedding band represents many important personal convictions, feelings, reminders, and memories. First of all, it represents the mutual promises that my husband and I made before God and family to love, honour, and cherish each other always, and it represents all that those promises entail. It represents our promise to always place and hold each other first, second only to God, in our hearts and lives. It represents our promise to forsake all others, keeping ourselves only for each other, applying to both our hearts and our flesh, with the knowledge and understanding that our marriage is sanctified and not to be defiled. It represents a reminder to always consider the other before making important decisions or taking important actions. It represents the comfort of knowing that for as long as we both shall live, we are each a part of the whole, and as such, we are an invaluable part of each other: it is “we;” it is not “you and me.” The wedding band on my left hand is a golden representation of all these things for me to hold close to my heart and for the world to see, acknowledge, and respect: I am his, and he is mine.
A wedding ring is the sign of love and most beautiful relationship between husband and wife. So it is special for everyone. Recently my friend order beautiful wedding from http://www.arabellebrusan.com for his marriag. It is awesome.
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[…] also found this post about wedding rings by Fr. Stephen Wang which expresses the beautiful symbolism of wedding […]
Fr. Stephen, I found this beautiful post about wedding rings that fleshed out what I was trying to say in my post. I hope you don’t mind me including a link to your post. God bless you.
~Mar
Thanks for the thought, I’ll use it as I conduct the service tommorrow night. The ring is also made of precious metal representing the spouse being a gift from God. Paul said when a man finds a Wife he finds a good thing. It also consist of an inter and outer circumference that forms one ring the inner smaller representing the female the outer more dominate the husband these two come together as one. The fact that the circle has no beginning and no end signifies it”s a perminate covenant that is sealed by God intended to last forever.
Does the material or beauty of the ring matter in the importance of the significance? I love my wife but, she is obsessed with the fact I take my ring off because my fingers swell from 7.5 – 8.5. I’ve even purchased multiple rings of different sizes to appease the wife. Additionally, my mother has Rhumathoid Arthritis in her fingers and I’m sure I will too as I occasionally have pain in my fingers. Therefore, I have a conundrum and in doing so, I researched expandable rings and purchased an expandable silicone ring. It’s essentially a ring which looks like grey rubber, so it’s a little ugly. In receiving the ring, I was quite happy and comfortable with the fit but, my wife feels that this is ridiculous. *sigh*
I love this blog..Really amazing and beautiful wedding ring..
I’m reading this because my husband has never worn a wedding ring although I have asked him if I could buy him one a couple of times. He has always said he doesn’t like wearing rings. Recently his dad (who admittedly has never liked me and said so) gave him a ring and now my husband wants to call it his wedding ring. To me it feels like a slap in the face. He says I am being unreasonable because I say wear it but please don’t say it’s our wedding ring. Am I wrong?
A wedding ring is a sign of your commitment to your loved one. It is a beautiful thing and is cherished forever. It was interesting reading about your views on the wedding ring. It strengthens the bond between two individuals and therefore is an important part of the wedding traditions.
My husband cheated on me all the eight years we were married. When I found out, I could no longer where the ring he gave me on our wedding day. He broke the vows he made to me when he slipped that ring on my finger. Every time I looked at it, I was reminded of his broken vows and betrayal. I never wore it again and eventually sold it.
I agree with you entirely if one cheats whilst wearing a wedding ring it defeats the whole purpose
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it’s time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
What information technologies could we use to make it easier to keep track of when new blog posts were made and which blog posts we had read and which we haven’t read? Please be precise.
I’m a minister in Colorado, and have a couple doing tattoo rings that will be kept secret until the ceremony. I never really put much thought into the meaning of rings until I started writing this ceremony. A lot of opinions and meanings, as diverse as the people who wear the rings are. Thanks for posting. :)
I’d listen if anyone had thoughts on the much more permanent tattoo rings.
I’ve always thought that wearing a wedding ring was a sign of the … bweddingm.wordpress.com
Reblogged this on herurbanityblog.
I think it should become compulsory for all wedded couples to wear their wedding ring …who wouldn’t want to do it …I love my wedding band …it’s like having my husband with me all the time even when we are apart or travelling !!
I agree. My husband started seeing someone about a year and a half ago for about two months. When I found out, I stopped wearing my ring and have not put it on since. We’re trying to work through it, but I don’t think I’ll be putting it back on.
I’d like to speak with you. Going through SAME thing. I’m heartbroken.
I’m impressed with the number of comments on this subject. The circle of the wedding Ring is also a symbol of eternity. The circle has no beginning or end and is, therefore, a symbol of infinity. Traditionally, the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. This is because the vein in this finger was believed to lead directly to the wearer’s heart. for more about kerala wedding culture i would recommended you cochin weddings planner
The circle of the wedding Ring is also a symbol of eternity. The circle has no beginning or end and is, therefore, a symbol of infinity. Traditionally, the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. This is because the vein in this finger was believed to lead directly to the wearer’s heart. for more about kerala wedding culture i would recommended you cochin weddings planner
Preparing for a wedding
I’ve seen many married man without rings.They don’t wear their rings.Married women always have their rings everywhere they go.What could that imply
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What do people think about the act of placing the ring, or removing it, as a symbol in itself? Filling a void, or creating an emptiness.
this wedding rings are of the devil, and they are satanic objects, there is no where in the bible that says we should wear rings.
There is no where in the Bible that says when people get married they should wear wedding rings.
wow love this some good info
My grandmother told me that the ring doesn’t represent the here and now, but the future. It represents what is to come together as something new. That as each of our love for each other grows, the ring will grow in its significance as a symbol of that over time. It is also, in my opinion…God’s seal on a union He brought together for those who have dated in a Godly way and kept themselves holy for a committed marriage.
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Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven. Everybody should accept the son of God and live righteous lives and think about wedding rings later.
It means whatever you want it to mean. It is not up to you to decide for anyone else.
Female give a wedding ring to Female friend . What is the meaning ? Just a friend ok ? Both happy married . confused …..
Thank you so much for explaining that. I hadn’t thought about the giving of a ring in this way yet it is obviously to me now that jt means a commitment from both sides.
A wedding ring to me means Full circle of life a commitment to a union of life together to each other and if you have children to them also! I am not very religious but I do believe in a higher power . Something guides us in life and there is a reason and consiquense for all we do, if u are a believer in God or a higher power or not . It happens if you take the path of good it will follow you.if not Evil will! Trucker thoughts driving down the road of life!
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My husband and I rarely wear our wedding rings as we both find rings uncomfortable, however we do tend to put them on for special occasions. I’ve had some folks question our lack of rings, as though we’re somehow more at risk for cheating without them. As special as those rings are, I’ve always thought that one’s commitment must be pretty flimsy if it relies that heavily on the wearing of a piece of jewelry. We are both committed to one another and our family, whether we wear our rings or not.
Thank you Fr. Wang and all those who commented on your blog. I have a question. What is the significance or implication of losing one’s engagement and wedding ring?