You may not have seen the recent Unicef report about the way materialism has come to dominate family life in Britain. What children really want, says the report, is to spend time with family and friends, to take part in group activities such as sporting events, and simply to be outside. What they are getting instead, very often, is more stuff. Parents are working such long hours in Britain, compared with other countries, and when they do get home they are too tired to spend time with their children. So they buy toys and gadgets to compensate. That’s the gist.
Nintendo DS Lite
John Bingham summaries some of the conclusions of the report:
In its latest study Unicef commissioned researchers from Ipsos Mori interviewed hundreds of children in Britain, Sweden and Spain, asking them about their ideas of happiness and success.
Researchers found that consumerism was less deeply embedded in Sweden and Spain, which rank significantly higher for the wellbeing of children.
British parents work longer hours and are simply “too tired” to play with their children whom in turn they can no longer control.
Families across the country, irrespective of social class or race, are less likely to spend time, eat or play games together, with children often left to their own devices.
In British households television is increasingly used as a “babysitter”, while children’s bedrooms have become “media bedsits” with computers, games consoles and widescreen TVs taking the place of dolls houses or model aeroplanes.
The report found that children from poorer families were also less likely to take part in outdoor activities than those in the other countries, opting for a “sedentary” lifestyle in front of the television or computer games. The trend was more marked in teenagers.
Among the more startling examples of obsessive consumerism uncovered by the report was a mother fretting over whether to buy a Nintendo DS games system for her three-year-old son convinced that he would be bullied if she did not get him one.
In Sweden family time was embedded into the “natural rhythm” of daily life with parents sharing mealtimes, fishing trips, sporting events or evenings in with their children.
While in Spain fathers tended to work long hours, children enjoyed more attention from their mothers and wider family circle.
But in Britain, some parents spoke of having “given up” on taking their children to organised activities.
The report, authored by Dr Agnes Nairn, an academic and marketing expert, said: “Parents in the UK almost seemed to be locked into a system of consumption which they knew was pointless but they found hard to resist.”
She concluded that there was an “enormous difference” between Britain and other countries.
She said: “While children would prefer time with their parents to heaps of consumer goods, [their] parents seem to find themselves under tremendous pressure to purchase a surfeit of material goods for their children. This compulsive consumption was almost completely absent in both Spain and Sweden.”
Sue Palmer, author of the book Toxic Childhood, adds:
We are teaching our children, practically from the moment they are born, that the one thing that matters is getting more stuff.
We are probably the most secular society in the world, we do not have the counterbalance of religion but at the same time we are a very driven society very into progress and making money.
How does one react to all this? Is it just about making parents feel guilty for things that are beyond their control? Is family life really imploding in the way described in this report? Are there simple (guilt-free) changes a family can make to improve the quality of relationships and give children what they really want and need from their parents? Any practical suggestions?
Bridges and Tangents 
The only practical suggestion I have is that parents set aside a specific time each day to be with their children and to ‘get to know them’. This will help the parent-child bonding process and, hopefully, buck this alarming trend.
I am sure that this is true of many families.
I heard something lovely on Radio 4 this week, about playing with our children daily until the age of six. Disciplining them from six -sixteen, and then at sixteen being their friend. It makes great and simple sense. Although we are friends here far earlier.
Not to mention being a shepherdess to our children always.
By knowing them all by name. Intimately. Because you talk to them individually, and pray with them, so that you understand their deepest fears and needs and hopes. Prayers shared are very revealing.
Screens, and Ds etc. do feature in our house but have set time limits. Mostly are used for long car journeys. I have heard it said that talk at school of games/screens/TV can be a great bartering tool and equalizer between children of differing social backgrounds. Even if the latest gadgets aren’t owned the games, characters and interests can be shared. We have a Wii that the children play together. But only at certain times. I am strict with bedtime routine too, what ever they demand to finish watching. Laptops now feature for the oldest and that is time limited.
I believe the best way of having a balanced family life is to schedule things into a weekly routine. Everyday after school one child has a personal club. Everyday we have relaxed family dinner around our table, with prayers and conversation about our day. There is discipline too. All the children must clear their own plate. And are assigned jobs of helping cook, to lay, clear the table, and provide a jug of water. The older ones empty the dishwasher. Begrudgingly at times. However their privileges are confiscated when their behaviour is inappropriate or they refuse to help. That is a pretty good remedy.
Sat daytime usually is chilled mornings, bedrooms tidied, and afternoons at the park, beach or in the garden. Saturday eves for the children and me it is Mass.
Sundays are family days always walking/swimming/cake baking and Tea days. Most activities are free though we are family members of N.T, which is just a one off reasonable yearly payment, and then free access to educational and historic buildings with free parking etc. The children always Love to take their wooden swords to the castles etc. Children turn to screens when they are otherwise bored. Stop their boredom by teaching them something and they will not replace their needs with a screen. And then when you keel over, allow them a little screen time whilst you retreat. I have found that as they get older, getting more stuff is untrue. The things they want may be more expensive, so they have less. And any things not required always get passed on, or go to the charity shop or church sale. The children have even had sales in the front garden to clear out lots of old toys and put their well-earned funds towards just one or two new things. Nothing is a given. Other than Love.
In our home not much has changed since I was a very happy little girl.
I played Atari, space invaders, Binatone tennis and asteroids. :O) My children are not allowed such freedom to play out, as I used to be.
I do however believe that many of societies children are far more sophisticated than in days of old, even the ones that are often deprived of good nutrition/education/care, and this is a problem.
I keep on thinking about my above statement. Why is it that children have a childhood not rooted in faith and so often rooted in the shallow material world?
There is a great-inherited underprivileged peoples that are not blessed with parents or grandparents who have a faith. These peoples are not blessed with having a formal moral upbringing, which cast out a deep channel from which one can explore and experience the hidden depths and riches of life.
I understand the word Catholicism to mean Universal. But even in our own society Catholicism is not universally accessible. When you are not born in to a Catholic family, or one of your parents are not married to a Catholic it can be a closed door. In my upbringing I never knew another Catholic. If you come to faith later and you want to get your children baptized, at least one of the Godparents has to be a Catholic, in a culture where you know no Catholics closely that can be very difficult. It is not a matter of being so dedicated that you may just be received in. If you were not privileged enough to be received in as a young person and your choices have been made, you may never be. This is not what Jesus wanted. He didn’t want us to destroy our families in order to follow him because we are torn between wanting to be a Catholic and living morally the life we find ourselves in. He accepted everyone who knocked, everyone who Loved Him and would follow Him. He did not hold people away or refuse to let them close; he touched the leper, etc. As long as Catholicism refuses to fully accept those that Jesus fully embraced there will be a whole other world full of underprivileged peoples that will try to find their comfort in the only world they know and have access to.