I don’t post about every sermon I preach, but here are a few lines from a nuptial Mass I celebrated at the weekend about the difficulty and the importance of making promises today:
Lasso Lumineux
There is something very beautiful and very simple about the wedding vows that you will make in just a few moments time. A man and a woman promise to love each other without reservation for the rest of their lives, and to embrace all the implications of that love: To love for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do them part. To love the whole person, with their strengths and weaknesses, their successes and failures. And to be open to the new life that love always brings; whether that is through the gift of children, or through the life-giving love that flows from your friendships and openness to others.
It’s hard for people to make promises today, partly because we are unsure about so many things. Unsure about the future; unsure about who the other person will become; unsure about what we want now; and even more unsure about what we might want in the distant future.
But there is a paradox here. Making a promise is what actually makes something sure. When you promise to be faithful to each other, come what may, you give a security and strength to this love. We talk about ‘the bond of marriage’, not because it is a chain to take away your freedom, but because it creates a space in which you can keep loving each other, freely – which is what you both want most of all.
I was the priest at a friend’s wedding a few years ago. She’s Mexican, and they have this tradition of the lasso – you may have heard of it. As soon as the wedding vows are made, the families of the couple bring a lasso to the front of the church – one of these huge ropes that you catch cattle with – and literally tie the couple together as they sit beside each other. The bride, my Mexican friend, is grinning like a Cheshire cat; while the groom, who hasn’t got a drop of Mexican blood in him, is sitting there very self-consciously, with a face that says ‘what on earth is going on?!’
Now I’m not recommending this today; I’m just giving it to you as a symbol. When you make these vows, something big happens. You bind yourselves to each other; and God takes you at your word and puts his own seal on your marriage. It’s a bond of love. It’s the security given by your own promises, and by the promise of God.
This is very beautiful and true, Father Stephen. I have sent it to my son and daughter-in-law who were married last month in Italy by a priest who had very little English. We struggled to understand his homily, but now they have yours!
God bless you,
Pam Murray
About 9 years ago when I was in Mexico I attended a wedding and saw the lasso-ing of the newly weds. They were standing and the lassoists were their godparents (very important role in Mexico). I was told godparents was the custom. It felt very appropriate: they had held them in their arms and made important promises on their behalf 20+ years before, and now they were placing them in someone else’s arms and assisting them with making promises on their own behalf.
One comment, though, about promises and stability. It is often in times of greatest genuine instability – eg war, serious illness – that people are more likely to make life commitments. I’m sure you’ve heard of WW2 marriages on the eve of call up, or proposals/weddings on the eve of a major operation, as well as people entering seminaries and convents as a result of wartime experiences. War, revolution, terrorist attacks, crisis, near-death etc, can all make people think about what really matters, and re-evaluate how they want to live the rest of their lives, and with and for who.
I like this idea that firm promises arise in times of instability and uncertainty – a bit like the way a city looks to strengthen the foundations of its buildings and bridges after an earthquake. I suppose the extra question is this: are these promises that have been made in these ’emergency’ circumstances more or less likely to be kept than those made in more ordinary times.
Stephen that is a very romanticized way of looking at things, which is my specialty. I don’t know the answer to your question, but it throws up another question.
What is more important in the eyes of God? That these ‘promises’ made in these ‘emergency’ circumstances are to be kept/honored/endured (Are they authentic in the eyes of God) made in some cases before we truly knew God, or should we turn and follow Him authentically, in the deepest and most authentic Truth, that we now know to be part of our beginning and end? Take up our cross and follow Him, by renouncing that which is untrue. A double moral dilemma for some I fear.
Or in His time do we just understand that He will intervene and align up, all that is off set?
Your post has made me recall the day my Wife and I were married.
After a huge amount of preparation there we were in the Church. At the appointed time, the Priest asked us to make our vows. Because I was in the middle of it all and concentrating on getting my words right, this didn’t strike me at the time, but later it did, and has remained with me ever since. The vows were very simple. Profound (’til death us do part and all that) but nonetheless simple. It also made me think that some of the deepest, most meaningful and beautiful things in life are simple. My Wife and I promised to be married to each other for the rest of our lives: Beautiful, deep but simple, a lovely reflection of our love and of God’s love we try to be reflections of.
Fr. Stephen,
Since my fiance and I just signed the official “we’re ready for and without impediments to marriage” form with our wedding celebrant-to-be last night, this posting was especially meaningful. Thank you for sharing.
P.S. I am of Mexican descent, and although I will not incorporate the lasso tradition into the wedding, I wanted to note that today the custom is that the lasso is actually two large rosaries made together, and one rosary is placed over each of the promising individuals. There is also a tradition of the ‘arras’ that you may appreciate as well: http://www.aquinasandmore.com/catholic-articles/About-Wedding-Arras/article/107
Congratulations on the engagement Angela. Yes, they had the arras as well – but it was too complicated for me to explain in a sermon, as I’m not sure I quite got all the details at the time! Thanks for the article.