We often think that the big lies are the important/damaging ones – and they usually are. But the small lies, and even the ‘innocent’ white lies, can be equally destructive. It’s not just because they can set a pattern of deception that might have greater consequences; it’s also because the core moral decision to deceive or to conceal something apparently trivial often reflects a much bigger background compromise that we are wanting to make.
We justify small lies by saying they are of no real consequence. But if that’s really the case, why do we think that simply telling the truth in this minor matter would be such a difficult option?
Last Night is 6/10 film about a young married couple in New York tempted by infidelity. The husband goes away for a business meeting with a gorgeous and seductive colleague; and that same night his wife bumps into her former French boyfriend who was never really reconciled to their separation. What will they do? What choices will they make?
The ‘will they/won’t they?’ tease is what keeps the slightly dull plot moving forward. But the moral interest, for me, lies in those moments when they have to decide how much truth to tell, or when we realise that something not insignificant from the past has been concealed. Infidelity (don’t worry – I’m not giving the plot away) very often depends on whether or not someone is willing to tell the truth about the ordinary, boring things.
When you are about to tell a small or habitual lie, it’s worth stopping to ask: Why?
After leaving university, and getting my first job, i thought it would be impossible not to tell white lies).
As i get older, i’ve found that the more one prays, the more possible it seems not to have to lie (of course we should never have to lie, and should never lie). It’s as if God finds us a way of getting out of the predicament of having to lie, so that we can tell the truth and still get the job done (although, i accept, that at a certain point, the Christian will have to suffer for always telling the truth – but after a while you think, life’s too short – in the end God will look after me, overall – the big picture, type-thing).
Here’s an example of how, one time, i got out of a problem without having to lie. It’s actually quite funny, and i believe God did get me out of this (and boy did i laugh after this, especially after all the build up of tension). I was working for an ad agency and we were working on a campaign (one of many) that i had a moral scruples with. I didn’t work on the campaign (i just couldn’t muster any interest of ideas). There were harsh questions in the boardroom why i hadn’t done this piece of work. Then, suddenly, the account director (a very pretty, trendy woman) did an enormous fart. No-one knew whether to make a joke of it or not. But it broke the ice and diverted the tension away from me (and everyone seemed to have forgotten about me not doing the work for that particular campaign, as there were other campaigns to work on which i was able to do a good job on).
This was a funny account (at least, i found it funny). I accept there are often far more serious cases, and it is often far from funny.
Also, here’s another crucial way of avoiding have to lie, but rather to tell the truth at work.
Remember, that you have to spend 40 or so hours with colleagues at work. They want someone they get one with. If you’re a ‘good bloke” or ‘good girl’, people won’t mind so much when you tell the truth when a lie would have been better (as some might see it in terms of the business) And that means that you’re not just out for yourself, but that you genuinely care about others at work, help others, not avoid tasks etc .. Are good humoured. Don’t bear grudges. Etc ..
This counts for a lot for the person who is prepared to tell lies for the business, but, where there is an obvious connection between someone who tells lies in general and not honest with their connection with colleagues in general at work (i.e. any form of lying encourages an individual to be more ‘out for themself’ type thing – and people notice this “out for oneself” in the long-term).
This accompanied by prayer (both formal prayer before work, as well as informal prayer during work i.e. ‘Dear Lord, i’m in trouble, show me how to get out of this’ type thing, and if you just have to take the flack for telling the truth that God will give one the strength to get through it, type-thing.
stephen
I saw a trailer for this here in Madrid earlier this week….you’ve whetted my appetite…thanks!!
Mark D.
Good to hear from you Mark. Hope the projects are going well.
You are quite right Father Stephen! White lies can be just as damaging. They can start the ball rolling on the path of endless lies in my experience. Once set upon this path, there is only one way to go – tell further lies based upon the initial one. Again, my experience is that honesty and truth are best always.
‘Truth Games’ http://is.gd/gAg3ZZ explores issues of infidelity in 1970s London UK, when the freedoms of the swinging 60s began to run into trouble. It’s the two blazing hot summers of 75 and 76, and a group of friends are getting way out of their depth in infidelity.Thought-provoking, amusing and with guaranteed naughty bits.